By Brian Cullen
Twitter is every PR specialist’s worst nightmare. It gives celebrities an instant, direct, unfiltered platform to interact with anyone who has an internet connection. Sometimes, this leads to charming results. But sometimes, during moments of extreme stupidity, athletes let their emotions go to their head. And that’s when tweets (“athtweets”) like this happen.
Without further ado (well… maybe just a little more ado. Okay, there, that’s the perfect amount of ado) here are our picks for the top 5 dumbest athlete tweets of all time.
5. Cardale Jones Tells Everyone the Real Reason He’s in College
Woof. We’re starting out of the gate with a doozie. Last year, third-string freshman Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones tweeted out this gem:
Listen up, all you future, budding student-athletes. If you want to draw the NCAA’s attention, this is how you do it. Question the value of academics at a major American university with a reputable football program. Because tweets like these raise… all of the questions. Besides being grammatically incorrect — and just a stupid thing to say in general — it was a horrible, horrible career move. If you’re third on the depth chart, openly antagonizing your school’s main product is a surefire way to stay third on the depth chart.
4. Johnny Manziel Can’t Wait to Get Out of College Station
If you have even a passing interest in football, you’ve heard of Johnny Manziel, aka “Johnny Football.” Now, before we get to the tweet, let’s just remember that if you’re the type of person who willingly will let himself be referred to as “Johnny Football,” I bet you’re also the kind of person who picks Odd Job in Goldeneye 64.
Anyway, Manziel is a sophomore quarterback who, last year, became the first ever freshman to win a Heisman Trophy, partially because the universe has it out for Manti Te’o. As you might imagine, this kind of thing draws a good bit of media attention. Especially since Manziel is a hard-partying 20-year-old and everyone forgets that when you’re 20, you’re all hormone and muscle and bad decisions. Which explains this winner:
A few concerning things here: 1. “A” reason, not “THE” reason. 2. This public temper tantrum was reportedly over a parking ticket.
In Manziel’s defense, College Station is a bit of a one-horse town. A&M has a lovely campus, but if you go one block past the area surrounding the campus, civilization disappears. Still, you’ve gotta figure, Johnny, bullsh*t like this is a reason everybody’s hounding you over every little thing.
3. Michael Jordan, Jr. Tweets a Picture of “Michael Jordan, Jr. Jr.”
For the record, we’re not showing you any images of this tweet, because it’s exactly what you think it is. Now, this tweet is particularly egregious, because how, in 2013, do you think you’re going to get away with sending out a picture of your anatomy? Brett Favre didn’t get away with it. Anthony Weiner didn’t get away with it, like, seven times. And you’re not going to get away with it, Michael Jordan, Jr.
To add insult to nudity, Jordan then claimed his account had been hacked. Look, I know there are a lot of weirdos in the world, but I refuse to believe that someone’s modus operandi is to hack into the twitter account of a decent basketball player with a famous dad and send out crotch shots. My willing suspension of disbelief only goes so far.
2. Rashard Mendenhall is Skeptical Over 9/11
Following Osama Bin Laden’s death, then Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall decided to share an opinion that nobody really wanted or needed to hear. That was as follows:
You know, the shame is, he started off kind of strong. If the point was that we, as a culture, were overly zealous about the death of another person, even one who so heinously wronged our entire country, that’s at least an argument. I might disagree, but it’s an argument. Either way, still a pretty boneheaded thing to lecture us over.
But THEN! He followed it up with this beauty:
…folks, this is a family site. So all the things I want to say about this tweet, I cannot. Just know that my criticism involves the letters F, S, A and probably one or two Ds.
1. Steve Johnson has a Public 1-on-1 with the Big Man Upstairs
This might be my favorite tweet ever. In 2010, Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson dropped a touchdown pass that would have put the Bills ahead of the Steelers, who ultimately beat them. Stevie Johnson then took to Twitter to literally confront God himself. He said:
This has everything. Utter dismay. Anger. Caps lock. Everything. Now, let’s forget for a moment that the likelihood of God ignoring flood victims and wounded soldiers and starving babies so he could flick a football a teeeeeeeeny bit further than it was supposed to be is pretty silly. The fact that he finishes up his rant with that beautiful “THX THO.” What is he thanking him for? The fact that he’s a well-fed and cared for, making millions of dollars a year playing a game? Or is it for, like, the opportunity to learn?
So there you have it. the five dopiest tweets in sports history. The unfortunate thing, however, is that this list will probably be obsolete by 2014. Some athlete, somewhere, is guaranteed to muck it all up again soon. Stay tuned!
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