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Former Aide To Senator Apologized For Child Porn In Note

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Mary Bubala joined WJZ in December 2003. She now anchors the 4-4:30...
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SYKESVILLE, Md. (WJZ) — The former chief-of-staff to a U.S. senator writes a final letter before his death. Ryan Loskarn committed suicide at his parents Carroll County home while awaiting trial on child pornography charges.

His mother released the letter, saying she hopes it helps others who are suffering in silence.

Mary Bubala reports.

Ryan Loskarn, 35, was caught up in a sweeping child pornography investigation that netted arrests around the world. The former chief-of-staff to U.S. Senator Lamar Alexander took his own life while serving home detention at his parents’ home in Sykesville just six days ago.

Now his mother has posted a letter from Loskarn online, saying he was drawn to child pornography because he was abused as a child.

He writes: “I found myself drawn to videos that matched my own childhood abuse. It’s painful and humiliating to admit to myself, let alone the whole world, but I pictured myself as a child in the images or video.”

“The more an image mirrored some element of my memories and took me back, the more I felt a connection.”

Loskarn didn’t say who abused him.

He went on: “I feel disgusting sharing this truth with you because in my heart I still struggle to see my five-year-old self as a victim. But I’m sharing this with you because it is the truth, not an excuse.”

Loskarn was arrested in December, accused of purchasing child pornography through the mail and sharing it online. He says he first encountered it on a peer-to-peer music sharing site.

Loskarn closes his letter by saying: “And last, to the children in the images: I should have known better. I perpetuated your abuse and that will be a burden on my soul for the rest of my life.”

Loskarn had been facing the possibility of up to 30 years in prison if convicted on the federal child pornography charges.

If you would like to read his entire letter, click here.

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