New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

New England Patriots
The Dark Knight Rises
New York Jets v New England Patriots
"The Dark Knight Rises" New York Premiere - Inside Arrivals
Initial Excitement?
“YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)
Winner “WOOOOO!”
Vague Sense of Worry?
"Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?"
Winner "Why...is Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"
Leading man?
Winner Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.
Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.
Growing Sense of Worry?
Winner Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.
Winner Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.
Features Hines Ward?
No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.
Winner With gusto!
Unsettling Level of Violence?
Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.
Winner That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.
Secret Supervillain
Winner Bernard Pollard.
That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.
Wise Mentor?
[Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.
Winner Michael Caine!
Most Illogical Move?
Winner Cutting Wes Welker!
Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.
Secretly Lousy?
Winner It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.

The Winner Is

"The Dark Knight Rises" New York Premiere - Inside Arrivals
Winner The Dark Knight Rises
6 out of 10

With a score of 6 out of 10, The Dark Knight Rises takes it! But don’t put too much stock into this. Both are probably overrated.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor


  1. MINNEAPOLIS, MN - OCTOBER 9: Quarterback Brock Osweiler #17 of the Houston Texans drops back to pass during the first quarter of the game on October 9, 2016 at US Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images) SAN DIEGO, CA - OCTOBER 13:  Trevor Siemian #13 of the Denver Broncos warms up before the game against the San Diego Chargers at Qualcomm Stadium on October 13, 2016 in San Diego, California.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
    Week 7 Tale Of The Tape: Houston Texans At Denver Broncos

    The Broncos square off against their former QB as they welcome in Brock Osweiler and the Texans.

  2. SEATTLE, WA - OCTOBER 16:  Quarterback Russell Wilson #3 of the Seattle Seahawks passes against the Atlanta Falcons at CenturyLink Field on October 16, 2016 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images) GLENDALE, AZ - OCTOBER 17:  Quarterback Carson Palmer #3 of the Arizona Cardinals looks to make a pass against the New York Jets in the first half of the NFL game at University of Phoenix Stadium on October 17, 2016 in Glendale, Arizona.  (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)
    Week 7 Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks At Arizona Cardinals

    The Seahawks face their NFC West foe on the road as the Cardinals look to get above .500 for the first time this season.

  3. FOXBORO, MA - OCTOBER 16:  Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots prepares to receive a snap during the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Gillette Stadium on October 16, 2016 in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images) PHILADELPHIA, PA - SEPTEMBER 25:  Quarterback  Landry Jones #3 of the Pittsburgh Steelers throws a pass during warm ups before playing against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field on September 25, 2016 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
    Week 7 Tale Of The Tape: New England Patriots At Pittsburgh Steelers

    The Patriots are riding high and now face a Steelers team who will be without their starting QB.

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